taking on roles that give us a new take on life
When I was a kid, I was super shy. I’d hide behind my mum whenever anyone would come around home, I’d cry on queue if I didn’t want to talk about something and had no other out. Ha, I’d cry not on queue, even when I did wanna talk about something but the nerves would get the best of me and the habits I developed for getting me out of awkward situation all of a sudden became the default option, all the time… but as I grew up, I started to take on new roles, that challenged me to see things differently, to believe something different about myself, or about the world. I transitioned from thinking and believing
“I’m that person. I cry and can’t talk about my thoughts and feels and will forever be misunderstood,”
to my understanding now, where I’m like ‘bro that habit doesn’t serve you anymore like it did when you were little. It probably never served you then either (let’s be honest haha) but it defs isn’t cutting it for you anymore…’ This shift in perspective, this detachment from a false identity, gave me a whole new appreciation for
the power of self-awareness to become self-determining.
Just like how there was a physical detachment between Rangi and Papa when they were separated, detaching from the old to make space for the new… I had to let go of this old identity and set of supporting habits that reinforced it, for something new to grow. Because I wanted to connect with people, I wanted to share what I thought and felt so the desire and motivation was there, but I’d been reinforcing this pattern for so long — the habit was hard to break. Nothing jobs where I have to talk for a living can’t help with! Haha even now, I still cry sometimes when I talk.. it’s either because I’m tired (like soul tired) or because it’s a sensitive topic and I’m still healing..* It’s all part of the process and
these moments of self awareness only arise when we put ourselves into spaces that demand it from us
i.e. when we experiment, try new things and put ourselves beyond our comfort zones. The roles we’ve taken on in our lives have exposed different areas for growth, learning and unlearning and often highlight the transition point of one way of doing, thinking, believing, seeing and being and how it evolves into something else, completely different. Isn’t it beautiful?
Whichever phase of the process we’re in, whether it’s becoming aware of our limiting beliefs and habits or the ‘what do I do now part,’ or any part of that process (however it might look to you), it doesn’t matter. Only that we grow. Grow our thinking, our capacity, our resilience, our confidence, our skillset, our understanding, our aroha, our compassion and the rest will align.
Kua takoto te mānuka, mā wai e kawea? I’ll leave this here and challenge you to take action on however you interpret this..
Ngā mihi,
Hana.
*different to before, when the tears would cripple me from any kind of connection and communication.