are you afraid of the dark?

The phases of Te Pō that lead up to the separation built the capacity within te ira atua (the gods) to survive on their own, on the other side. The internal and external conflicts they had to endure to take action and leave the world they knew for one foreign to them; te ao mārama.

Everything they became in the world of light, all that we experience and enjoy today, is a result of what had formed and what was allowed to take shape in the darkness. Ideas, seeds, pēpi (babies) all spend their time in Te Pō before transitioning earthside, into matter, into action. It’s an essential part of creation for any and everything.

What’s your relationship with te pō? Are you afraid of the dark?

Whether you interpret that to be loss, grief, failure, missed opportunities, rejection, isolation, loneliness, confusion, uncertainty, sadness or heartbreak of some kind — common connotations of the dark, how do you engage with it?

Is it something you avoid at all costs? A place beyond the borders we must never go? Are they ‘bad’ feels, thoughts or experiences to have? Or are they all good? Natural, normal and parts of whakapapa (genealogy, process, cycles)?

For the last few months a darkness of sorts was controlling parts of my life and I didn’t realise how much until just this week. Like weeds that had overgrown in the maara (garden) but mine only got that way because I refused to see them. I felt guilty about some of the thoughts I was having and I was embarrassed to admit I was feeling a type of way.

And so I found myself wrestling between wanting to take action and wanting to feel safe and comforted.

Perhaps a wānanga (deliberation) te ira atua had when deciding what to do.

I wanted to solve, resolve and even dissolve whatever this thing was and get on with the programme, but the only way to do that was to admit to the war raging on inside me.

I collected a few tāonga (gifts) as I navigated the long night which helped me ultimately surrender to how I was really feeling and thinking and say them out loud. To myself, on the couch, nobody else home lol something about doing that or even writing things down makes them feel more real.

In doing so, I freed myself from said thoughts and feels. In recalibrating my relationship with my own expressions of darkness; heaven and earth separated and I found myself in a new world, a world of light and one not determined by fear.

“When we make efforts to intervene and fight our demon,

its one of the most worthy battles known.

Even though we may hit ground zero rock bottom minus five,

remember bottom is where the living roots of psyche are.

At the bottom is where soil is best to sow and grow something new again.”

— Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Darkness always phases into light, but darkness always comes first. Te Pō built the capacity within te ira atua to survive on their own, what could these phases be developing in you for your journey?

Tēnā tātou,

Hana.