if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it

We’re nearing the end of 2020 and with that comes graduations, prize givings and times of reflection on the year that was, the accolades, accomplishments, “failures”, wins and so on. I was fortunate enough to be given some time to share kōrero at the Hukarere Māori Girls’ College prize giving on the weekend and this was one of the whakaaro (thoughts) I shared.

Not before I thought long and hard about what I’d say because when I was at high school, no way was I listening to or taking advice from anyone! But what would I have wanted to know?

What bit of information would have pierced through little rebellious baby Hunz’s nobody-can-tell-me-anything thing she had going on? What would I want to know?

This is what I settled on.

What happens when you share a part of you, you’re working on a project, an assignment, a something... You invest everything into it; time, effort, money and when it’s done, it’s not good enough. The ‘thing’ becomes part of you, because of how much you’ve invested into it, you feel bound to it and therefore your wellbeing also becomes hinged on whether or not you accomplish the task or not.

— if you’re not enough without it, it doesn’t matter what you do, where you go or what you use to make you feel good, or numb for that matter.. what you’re searching for isn’t ‘out there’ and can only be found when you reconnect to self.

When you foster your sense of worth, of value of being enough regardless of what you have or where you are — when you remember you are created from light, i.e. being mokopuna (descendants) of Urutengangana (eldest of te ira atua, atua of light) and therefore, inherently are light… whatever obstacles, challenges, “failures” and otherwise that await us seem that much more manageable and we can feel that little bit more empowered or capable at the very least to persevere.

When we remember that, when we really realise it and embrace it, we live into that light,

we become more than enough just as we are and that flow into whatever we choose to do, wherever we decide to sow seeds and contribute to those around us.

I think little Hunz would’ve liked to have known that.. easy to say now with the beauty of hindsight, but knowing that I already had the things inside me to guide me along my path? I can think of a few moments where that would knowing would have come in handy.

But it’s all shaped who, where and what I am today and I know now, so live that now and I love my failures (beauty of hindsight, again lol) they helped in building the capacity in me to grow and be who, where and what I am today.

I’m thankful for it all.

Tēnā tātou,

Hana.