carve your own path — or maybe rediscover what’s been there all along?

It’s my birthday in four more sleeps — get excited lol — and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the course of how my life has flowed in the last 27 soon to be 28 years. How it’s carved a path through different valleys, some that maybe it shouldn’t have but oh well here we are haha how parts of that path have been shaped by external situations and so adjusted its course in various ways, how it’s diverted or been redirected, merged and diverged with other awa (rivers) along the way and so on.

I’ve been about that independent, self-determining, ‘do what i want’ kinda life since I can remember. Climbing up trees and furniture, then falling from said trees and furniture respectively because my ears were painted on then (and now too sometimes haha).

But like my pāpā Arapeta Einstein used to tell us,

‘we cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them’

Maybe how I’ve been doing things will only get me so far, so deep into knowing myself, so far along the path, so deep into the valley before that’s it? *Maybe how I’ve been doing things has only got me so far and while I’m pretty chuffed and proud of how everything’s flowing right now, I’m super grateful for who/where/what my life is, don’t @ me on that…

But just like the phases of creation:Te Kore (the realm of formless, potential, dreams, ideas) had their phases, as did Te Pō (the phases of darkness, confusion, coming together, formation) and Te Ao (world of light and physical manifestation) — of course I/we do too!

Just as Tāne and the other atua (gods, deities, elemental forces) had multiple names to describe them in specific states, or to denote something they had achieved,

it’s natural to recognise periods, phases and cycles of growth.

Although celebrating birthdays according to a Gregorian calendar isn’t necessarily ‘Māori’, it’s still māori to acknowledge process/whakapapa and how the structures in place have guided the river to flow as it has. To observe how the awa (i.e. me/Hana) has nourished or sustained life along the way, or not.. how it’s impacted on neighbouring elements and ecosystems (good or bad), why it floods in certain areas, why it’s not reaching other areas, what’s missing or needs to be removed from the flow etc. etc.

Not to make this sound like a profound discovery, because rest assured it most definitely isn’t. it’s NOT a new revelation lol the fact is, as I learn more about myself or as I live new and different experiences the deeper I connect to myself, the stronger I reconnect to what’s already been in me this whole time.

The more I uncover, the deeper the river flows.

So in a way, the path I’m carving isn’t really that at all.

It’s more like water flowing and coursing through the channel made possible by the structures put in place by those who’ve come before me, those who’ve made opportunities possible, those who made sacrifices that allowed for even just a drop of water, of mauri, of life to nourish and hydrate and hold that space for more water to trickle down and flow more and more, stream by stream, adding to the flow.

The stream of my life is just the latest one feeding into the puna (pool), converging with a larger, older awa and being nourished by that same source in return. So even though I may only be 28 years in this physical body, or as this awa, as this river, this flow of energy paving a path for myself — it’s been over 1000s of years in the making and will flow for 1000s more.

But I’ll focus on what I can do right now and give my best to each moment and get my flow right and the rest will align and take care of itself.

Tēnā tātou,

Hana.