faith in the process: will you endure the short term suffering for the long term vision?
Ok, so first things first - Cass and I are back together. If you didn’t know we’d separated, you can check out this post. Now that’s out of the way, I’d like to share some of our story (from my perspective of course, he might have a totally different one), of how our relationship has grown - with self, as individuals, and together as a partnership.
Have you ever heard or been told ‘we’ll find our way back to each other’ and ‘we need to work on ourselves and develop individually so we can be better together’? *Rolls eyes lol well, that was me with Cass. You know, sometimes I’d reflect on what I would do if someone tried to pull that on me hahaha be like, I’ll give you meant to be…
But it was the truth. I wanted to do all the things with this guy - whare, whānau, wh-everything.. but there were dynamics in our relationship that weren’t sustainable and would ultimately,
most definitely result in something really toxic for both of us, as individuals and as a couple.
But hohhhh it was hard. Hard because, you know if you keep going how you’ve been going, it’s gonna end badly. But then you can’t imagine not being with your person either, let alone trying to find the courage to initiate that you should break up. So do you stay with something til it deteriorates beyond repair? Or do you endure the short term sting and pain for the long term vision? How much faith do you have in yourself and in the universe* that it’ll all work out?
Only one way to find out — you take the leap of faith
and exercise your trust in the whakapapa, in the process, trust in the universe, trust that what’s meant for you will never miss you. If your intentions are pure and you’re not just leading them or yourself on, it’ll work out.
Could we have stayed together? Yeah sure, but what would the quality of the relationship have been? Would we have learned what we needed to about ourselves and about the world if we were still in our comfort zone with our go-to person right there? Probably not. Or possibly yes, but over a looooooonger period of time and ain’t nobody (I am the nobody here ha) got time for that.
I 100% believe the paths we walk in life should be shared with others, but there are some parts of that journey that we must walk alone, to truly understand ourselves, our unresolved raru (trauma), our insecurities, our fears, our aspirations, hopes and desires.
How can we learn about who we are if we’ve never taken a moment to be still, to be alone and figure it out?
I’m not saying break up with your partner lol unless you were already headed there and this is a sign? Take it ha I’m kidding… if there’s anything you take away from this post, I hope it’s that you reflect on your faith and trust in yourself, and develop courage to be who you are.
You do that by getting to know yourself. By becoming self-aware and learning why you are the way you are, what you want in a relationship (with yourself and with others) and how you can contribute well to others. Sometimes it may not be together, just like with Cass and I. Being apart was the best° way we could love each other and contribute to our relationship, by giving each other space to grow, learn, heal and find each other again.
Tēnā tātou, with so much love and gratitude,
°not as in feel good best, but most beneficial in terms of growth and self-development. definitely not feel good best…