Being selfish vs selfless

I find it funny that I still get surprised by growth. In this case I’m talking about, the perspective I have about truth. The other day I found myself laugh quietly, as if the concentrated efforts to improve wouldn’t result in improvement.. it’s not that I don’t expect it like obviously that’s what I’m working towards. It’s more marvelling at how wise I thought I was, compared to now where I’d say I know a little more but still know nothing. Here’s what I've learned and what I do know from over the past few weeks of truth.

Truth is, I doubt my abilities and purpose, while sometimes I overestimate them (actually, a lot of the time)

Truth is, I love where I am and who I am, so I can’t hate on the experiences that have been part of this journey. If things didn't go wrong, nobody would evolve; people only evolve through the challenges they encounter (great).

Truth is, I’m addicted to thinking and the story I play in my head isn’t always empowering but when I get it right (slowly getting there) it’s Wonder Woman 2.0 time. 

These acknowledgements are uncomfortable, confronting and hard to do, let’s be honest. But the jackpot we often miss out on because its on the other side of the unpleasantness; the ‘emancipation from mental slavery’ as uncle Bob would say. We miss out on the rainbow because we're afraid of the rain or don't want to get wet; miss out on the soar above the clouds because we're afraid to fall during the jump.. By clearing out this clutter and irrelevant nonsense, it opens up so much more space for creative, conscious and empowering processes to take place and grow. And if you didn't know already,

We are programmed to evolve.

To grow, learn, improve, develop and let’s not forget recovery as an important player in this process too - these are all a natural state of being, it’s woven into the fabric of who we are and it is our duty by whakapapa (genealogy, origins, birthright) to commit to self-improvement and self-mastery which in turn, will contribute to our collective advancement. While that sounds poetic and aspirational, the balance of selfishness and selflessness is a tricky one to get right.

Stop for a second there partner, and think about it in terms of a relationship. Many of us struggle with giving ourselves to other people and other kaupapa (causes) that our personal energy stores become depleted. In our selflessness, we run ourselves into the ground; we commit to a job we despise because it's what is expected of us; we stay in a relationship that eats away at our health and wellbeing and I'm sure you're starting to get the picture. Being selfish gets a bad wrap these days, one definition is to lack consideration for others which I don't a hundred percent agree with.

How can we pour from an empty cup? How can we give to others if there's nothing left in us to give? How can we live our lives, the only one we have at this exact moment and let someone else decide everything? There's no one size fits all approach to this as we all have different abilities and skills, come from different whakapapa (ancestry) but it would be a disservice to all who have come before us to settle for less than we know we are capable of. It would be false to assume that our purpose and rightful path is not in harmony with that of the collective. 

So find your truth. Live it, own it and manifest it to bring about your success. Your success will look different from mine to the next person and the next because success is about self-expression. Being who you want to be. Doing what you want/how you want.. etc. Sharing your gifts and talents with the world in the way only you can.

If you can be the best version of you you can be - you’ve already won. You’ve transcended what we now traditionally accept as the status quo to settle. That is how you contribute to the collective. You become selfless in your selfish pursuit of self-improvement. And if you live out your truth and commit to being your best self in whatever it is you do, check mate, jackpot, hallelujah, Amine. Done. Capeesh. No signature required, enjoy your flight. Haumi e, hui e, taiki e.


Nāku noa,



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