It’s that time of the month again - Whiro’s (new moon) about to roll around again and far out what cycle that was.. it was as if the universe was like,
'hey I heard you like growth, so I put some challenges on top of your challenges while you grow from your challenges'
Haha but seriously, it's been a really strange time; shifts in the environment - with Matariki, the beginning of our Māori new year - and then also in my personal life as well. Energies flowing in weird directions and just trying to manage it all has been a huge learning for me.
But I've recently made some time to catch my breath and take it all in, this experience of living this life I have; rather than just going through the motions - does that make sense? It's like I've been on auto-pilot - the result of over-committing myself to kaupapa (projects, initiatives) and not prioritising time for myself to recover and reset, before moving onto the next one.
So it seems timely that the new moon cycle has come around now as I'm shifting into another phase, personally, almost retreating into myself in a way, because our new atua (elemental force, deity, god) has been stuck underground for millennia:
Shortly after the separation and not being able to bear the hurt they'd inflicted on their mother and father, Te Kāhui Atua (the atua) proceeded to turn Papatūanuku over and in doing so, Rūaumoko who was still within his mothers' womb, remained there. So for a long time Rūaumoko was isolated and lonely; while his elder brothers were doing their thang in the open space between their Rangi and Papa in Te Ao Mārama (world of light).
Rūaumoko is the atua of earthquakes, geothermal activity and volcanoes. According to some kōrero (stories), when Hinetītama descended to Rarohenga (the underworld) and became Hinenuitepō, she met and married Rūaumoko, in case you were wondering what the connection was there. And even if they didn't get together, they were both chilling in the same place - so were bound to have some type of relationship, right?
Anyway, think of what kind of company one would keep in the underworld; Hinenuitepō (Goddess of Death) and Whiro (atua of misfortune and disease) specifically. When you add that to feelings of abandonment and loneliness, it makes for a pretty dark place; physically, mentally and emotionally.
My mates and whānau (family) are awesome and deserve the world, but the environment in my mind over the last few weeks on the other hand... yeah it's been filled with a lot of excitement being home and connecting with awesome kaupapa and people and now being in Tahiti with our whanaunga (relatives).
But it's also housed a lot of frustration, fear and impatience - which is really unlike me.
Basically, a lot of change is happening and my current software hasn't been updated to support it.. add that to being exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally and I barely recognise myself. Now that I've made space and time for it, I've been able to really reflect on everything - and now I can go about making changes to my mental environment and make room for love, light and good energy to flow through again - uninterrupted!
Or better than that, I can assess what systems are outdated and develop newer, more effective and efficient ones to help me grow well in this next phase of my life.