Tearing ourselves apart (the whole sh-bang; habits, processes, thought patterns, what we value and why, our environments etc.) and piecing it all together again is an energising and empowering process. Well that’s what they tell you and it’s not untrue; it’ll be one of the most liberating things you ever do. But what this process also is; frustrating, challenging, hard, sometimes scary and uncomfortable.
Having a clean slate to start from is in theory, incredibly awesome! It’s like moving out of home, “Oh yeah, nobody to tell me when to go to sleep, I can stay up as long as I want to, eat when and what I want, study and workout when I want…” Then after a few days or weeks, as we adjust to our new wealth of independence, it begins to sound more like, “Ohhhhh, nobody to tell me when to sleep? When am I supposed to wake up? What can I eat? How did I have the time to study or exercise before?” We start to realise just how much power we have, and just how clueless we are about where and how to start using it.
We think this type of independence, being the boss and designers of our own lives, is having nobody tell us what to do - which is only half true; we’re in charge now, we have to tell ourselves what to do.. Sometimes this phase can look like rejecting what any and everybody else has to say, because 'nobody tells us what to do' - even if their suggestions are aligned to what we want or need. Or it could look like doing things how we've always done them, because it's what we know, it's routine and we feel safe there..
In last week’s post, we explored how this recovery space is an ideal time to reflect and draw up plans; decide the direction we want to head in; implement new or modified processes and once all that is done, we must make the decision, any decision at any point, to start. All the ideas, research, preparation and planning are useless if they’re not applied through action.
“We’ve had about enough hui (meetings*), it’s time for do-ey.”
As the New Moon approaches and we transition from a space of recovery and introspection towards implementing what we've learned and added to our kete (basket of knowledge), we're sure to face a few struggles. Everything that grows faces struggle, remember that, recite it, burn it to your brain because it is the best reminder that struggle is normal, natural and to be expected. People out here talking (complaining) about struggle as if they invented something, boy please; a seed must crack and change completely to become a giant tree; a caterpillar must form and break out of a cocoon to become a butterfly; if you want an example closer to home, think of how you came from being in your māmā's puku (belly) into this world.. the process may have been smooth sailing and without complication, but the act itself is one of struggle (surely your imagination is kicking in, and I don't have to go into detail with this last example, thanks).
One of the major struggles or barriers to letting go of how things have been done and reconditioning ourselves with new methods (growing) isn’t intellectual, or knowing how, what and why.. it’s emotional. It's being scared, feeling stupid, the fear of appearing incompetent etc. and let’s cut straight to it;
We don’t like being mediocre at anything, or at least at things we assume we should be half-decent at i.e., living our lives.
Whether we like it or not, we must accept that starting over, starting new in any capacity, will incur some degree of frustration. We won't get it right away (some pick up on things faster than others, for sure, but not the topic for today), however, if we apply concentrated, deliberate effort and time, we will. Another one to add to the kete, because if we're prepared or expect frustration to arise as we restart with our new journey, we can plan for it and put procedures in place to counteract when the frustration comes. Rather than take it as a sign we'll never get it, we're stupid and more stupid for even trying, putting ourselves out there and wanting something better or different is a bad idea, you know where I'm going with this... Keep in mind: as you grow; expect some struggle, and prepare to get frustrated.
The glory of this generation is, we're told we can do anything, have anything, be whoever and whatever we want - true, true and true. BUT! What is constantly and conveniently left out, is that the process of getting there is hard work. We set goals of who/what/where we want to be/have/do and in our pursuit of such achievements, through struggle, frustration and perseverance; we become the person capable (and worthy) of achieving them.
So as we wrap up the hui* and recovery space we've been in, be sure to factor in extra space for struggle, frustration and things not going according to plan while we put new processes into place. By doing so, any barriers that appear during our haerenga (journey) won't seem so catastrophic or even better, we won't take them as a sign of personal incompetence. We lack nothing, we are simply growing and learning.
Āku mihi maioha,
*In this context, planning.