Taking responsibility can be hard, we established that in last weeks post (and the one before that). There’s the whakapapa (process); feeling shame from the realisation that maybe we’re not all that and we're capable of making wrong decisions; considering the consequences that await us, and what we need to do next... It takes courage to take responsibility when we mess up and things don’t go our way, when we have to stop and figure out our next move, how we’re going to build and keep going.*
So, to get to the point where we're willing to take responsible action is a pretty big deal - without romanticising it too much. Whether it's an automatic reaction, or action number seven, if it comes at all; we're winning at growth - which almost never feels like winning while we're in it, but when we reflect afterwards, we see how much of a jackpot growth really is. But what comes with growth and responsibility, as with any change is;
We have that push back with ourselves as we go through the process of whether to take responsibility or to pass it onto someone else or so on.. so there's a high chance that other people are going through a similar process as well. It can feel like they aren’t willing, aren’t ready, don’t know how to, or for a million other reasons, are opposed to our attempts at being responsible. You think people are gonna let it slide and be alright with you making mistakes? Hoki mai rā e hoa, back to reality my friend.
Maybe you're not taking responsibility in the way others want and expect you to; maybe they're hung up about the whole situation to start with°; maybe they like reminding you of your failures (get new friends)... others are entitled to their own actions/reactions, as much as you are.
Resistance comes with the territory of making a 'mistake' and with any change. Extend the patience you have for yourself to others, understand that you may not be aware of how far the ripple effects of your actions reaches. Empathise that others must go through a process, as you do, and know that you can't control the way others react, that's their own journey to figure out.
It takes no effort at all to get hōhā (annoyed) at others for their reactions to how we navigate through building back up and trying to make things right.. Give them a break, yes - but don't give them the power to determine how you behave and act moving forward, take responsibility for your own rangatiratanga (self-determination). There's a line where their resistance becomes more like disrespect, and you should put them in check (be sure to check your ego first) but otherwise, it's part of the responsibility package.
You just upgraded, responsibility is your prize.
Kia kaha, good luck,
*The build is non-negotiable, if you didn't already know. It maybe in a different shape and direction, but growing and building - carrying on, from the foundation that has been laid for us is the only way. We must continue to grow, it is in our whakapapa (genealogy) to do so.
°This doesn't help anyone or anything that much; seeing as the problem exists already. Unless the hang up is applied in a critical, productive manner for future purposes etc., there is no return for dwelling on anything. Identify the problem, own it, make it right or make it better.