let's talk babies

Yeah sure Hana, let’s read what you have to say about this - what with all your experience and all your babies… haha sheesh ok, ok, I getttt it. Just trust me, this is gonna be a good one. It feels weird to be on the other side of the book.. all the hype that was built up around it and it being in that realm of Te Kore (potential, thought) and Te Pō (unknown, taking form, darkness) for a concentrated amount of time, four months, to all of a sudden being finished and out in the world…

it feels weird…

For want of a better word… I already know this one’s gonna be tricky to articulate, because I’m still trying to make sense of it myself but we’re already three paragraphs in, you can’t leave now! Ha! Anyway, I’ve felt and observed myself grow so much throughout this process, that to finally have the book be separate from me, as it’s own physical, tangible, touchable thing, has been the strangest feeling and I’m uncertain of what’s supposed to happen now. Before we continue, I’d like to think this is a given, but we can never assume - I’m not taking away from wahine who have been hapū (pregnant) and brought new life into the world and I can only imagine what that might be like - this is purely based off kōrero and wānanga (conversations) with some badass wahine I’m blessed to have in my life, who have blessed the gene pool with their uri (descendants) and it’s not like I haven’t mentioned this before, but

this book is my baby.

It went through the phases of creation; as an idea and potential (Te Kore), it started to take shape and the pieces started to form but were still unknown (Te Pō) and in the weekend just gone - it was manifested into it’s physical form and entered Te Ao Mārama; the physical world, world of light. The stretch marks may be mental, spiritual and emotional - a little physical as well, with my comfort eating - but hooh! I grew in ways I didn’t want to, nor did I believe I had to - but in ways I needed to, in order to bring this metaphoric baby of mine to life. A friend of mine once said having a baby is like

“having your own heart beat outside of your body, in someone else”

and while my relationship isn’t quite like that with this book haha it really is a piece of me, out there in the pages. How crazy is that?! I’m still in disbelief it’s happened… and like with new māmā and her pēpi, I have to adjust to the weirdness of being in a new phase of the journey and learn to navigate this new space, to figure out what’s best for myself, and for the book to grow well. Thanks for sharing this with me, although it feels weird, I have a good feeling about it and I trust there’ll be some awesome learnings and adventures to come.

Tēnā tātou,

Hana.