our sense of identity: what limits our understanding of who we are?

Last week I wrote about Ngahue coming to Aotearoa, pounamu finding him, him taking some back to Hawaiki to make into the toki (adzes) used to carve the Te Arawa waka… the impact of his exploration into the unknown so many generations ago was significant for the growth, development and advancement of his people.

In the same way, we make similar explorations in our own lives, all the time. We consume new information, have new experiences, expose ourselves to new ways of thinking, doing and being — pounamu in all its forms find us,

shape us, influence us, spark something in us to take action

to bring something back, or become something of impact. Big or small it makes no difference. Whether us harnessing our gifts pulls and pushes the tides like Hina (the moon) or it fills a small puna (pool) enough for someone to drink from.. every drop contains oceans of possibility. everyone has their part, their role to play.

But what limits our ability to make impact in the first place? What gets in the way of us understanding who we are and how we can express ourselves truly, to our capacity?

Here’s a theory.. let’s walk.. we’re conditioned to attach, no to base our identity (also sense of value, worth) on external roles, positions and materialistic objects that encourage us to journey outwards in our pursuit of purpose and meaning impact. Yeah we’ll learn a lot about ourselves with these experiences, but

how much can we learn about ourselves, if it’s limited to ‘what we’re good at’ or the path that’s been laid out for us?

Imagine you couldn’t do what you’re good at anymore. Imagine you’re an athlete and couldn’t play or train. a singer who just found out ya voice is gone. a writer whose lost the ability and capacity to write. an artist without your art.. who would you be? what would you be?

Five years ago I came to a crossroads where I had based my identity on being an athlete and being good at my job. I wasn’t me if I didn’t do those things, basically.. then, I got injured (and didn’t rehab properly oops ha) and thought I was useless at my job so I ended up leaving that mahi and all of a sudden the two pou (pillars) I leaned into to give life purpose, were gone.

At the time it was confronting, anxiety-inducing and worrying the longer it dragged on because where what used to be the ocean floor, a sense of security, was now pitch black from the depths of myself I’d never known about before. Parts of me I never even thought to explore and learn about because I was preoccupied on this faux identity — based on external things.

With those pou out of the way, I was free to test my metaphorical lungs out and see what was waiting for me in the depths of my mind, heart and soul.

It’s a continuous exploration as I continue to grow and evolve, but one I’m willing to pursue in the hope of letting more pounamu find me,

and in that process, figuring out how that pounamu might help others.

Maybe..

Tēnā tātou,

Hana.